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Stop blaming yourself! Self-blame is an attribution that sees the consequences of one’s actions

Self-blame is an attribution that sees the consequences of one’s actions as a direct result of one’s actions or personality. 

 Self-blame, In behavioral medicine, it may be beneficial or harmful, depending on whether the blame itself leads to a change in positive behavior or an increase in negative impact or no change in behavior.

What is self-blame?

Self-blame is an attribution that sees the consequences of one’s actions as a direct result of one’s actions or personality. In behavioral medicine, this may be beneficial or harmful, depending on whether the blame itself leads to a change in positive behavior or an increase in negative impact and no change in behavior.

Self-blame is indirectly related to perceived control. People who blame themselves more are also more likely to believe that they have more control over their lives.

Because improvements in perceived self-control are compatible with psychological well-being, it may be thought that mental well-being is also compatible with self-blame. In any case, this is a possibility and will not always be true in all cases.

In fact, self-blame is a form of cognitive distortion or a pattern of ordinary negative thinking that can reinforce feelings of dissatisfaction, sadness, and fear. Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts can dictate our emotional well-being. Therefore, pessimistic thoughts can play a role in the symptoms of depression and anxiety.


The reason for your blame

Self-blame is one of the most toxic forms of emotional abuse. These perceived inadequacies, whether real or imagined, reinforce the notion that paralyzes us before we even start a new task or movement.

We often hear a lot about kindness in religious traditions, such as Christianity, Islam, and Judaism, as well as in spiritual and metaphysical societies. While we are often advised to show kindness to others, we often fail to spread it to ourselves.

Which often takes the form of self-blame. But we must know that we deserve our love as much as anyone else in the world.

One of the factors that plays a significant role in our system of self-blame is the lack of knowledge of our own humanity. On the one hand, we are perfect beings compared to other beings, but on the other hand, as a human being, we are perfect in terms of spirit and not so perfect in terms of humanity.

However, instead of balancing ourselves between these two states and maintaining our stability, we are often under the illusion of perfectionism, seeking the perfect soul and a perfect human being.

When we create a world around us that does not conform to this illusory ideal, one usually finds oneself guilty and ready to accept guilt and responsibility that does not belong to oneself.

Lack of balance of responsibility in any particular situation leads us to the trap of mis-assignment of this responsibility, which can quickly become self-blame.


Consequences of self-blame in life

Blaming yourself for being responsible for life’s issues can be crippling. This situation can stop us from starting new projects, but if self-blame does not become a habit in life and occurs only in certain cases and events, not only does it not hinder progress, but it also makes our real progress by eliminating the shortcomings of work. .

But under normal circumstances, self-blame leads to shame, and in other words, self-blame means self-harm. Taking on a responsibility that does not belong to us can not only paralyze us, but also lead us to stagnation and devaluation.

People who suffer from this disorder constantly tell themselves that they have only a defect and can not do something right, and because of their disbelief, they feel ashamed of others and even themselves.

But we must know that we are not perfect, no other human being is perfect, and we are not going to do everything perfectly and correctly. If we enter into every situation, relationship, and moment with this perspective, instead of trying to perfect ourselves, we create an opportunity for learning, introspection, self-discovery, and ultimately personal development.

If we always pay attention to our need for righteousness and extreme perfectionism and we can not control this need, we will miss opportunities and spend all our energy trying to build walls of a castle that only surrounds us. They have done and it will be nothing more than a prison.


Fix your blame

The relationship between responsibility and self-blame

The first step in resolving your blame is recognizing responsibility. In other words, who owns our personal property and where? If we have done our due diligence, if we have honestly and genuinely entered the situation and work, if the situation deteriorates, it will be clear how much of this failure will be the result of our work.

The next step is to take responsibility. Taking responsibility is not the same as blaming. The idea of ​​self-blame shows that mistakes, both on our part and on the other hand, are relevant to us, and a series of very negative thoughts.

While accepting responsibility means acknowledging one’s share in the wrong. This is not a negative mistake, but a condition we have created because of our actions or inaction.

Stopping self-blame and being accountable makes us accountable to ourselves and the world around us without embarrassing us or destroying or diminishing our personality values. So I have to learn to make mistakes instead of correcting them, but to fix them in the best possible way.


Ways to control and resolve your blame

Here are some tips that can help solve your blame problem:


1. Take responsibility for your actions

When you take responsibility for your actions, you admit that you made a mistake. Also, do not try to blame others. A person with a strong will needs to admit that he has made a mistake, and you have to do it to fix the mistake.

If you do not accept responsibility, you take the risk that others will blame you incessantly throughout their lives. By accepting responsibility, you show that you made a mistake and now you want to work on improving yourself.


2. Love yourself

When you start blaming yourself, you put yourself in a negative light. When you take responsibility for your actions, you can focus on your positive qualities.

Be kind to yourself, be realistic about your shortcomings, and be realistic about your strengths. By doing this, you can try to eliminate your weaknesses and at the same time make the positive aspects of your personality more complete and better every day.


3. Seek help

One way to cure self-blame is to seek help from others, especially mental health professionals. That seeking mental help is a sign of weakness is definitely and unequivocally a misconception.

In fact, deciding to see a therapist is a sign that you want to get better. Do not let the social stigma of seeing a mental health professional stop you from getting the help you need.

For example, consider doing this in parallel with going to the gym. Going to the gym is not a problem and it is a way to keep your body in shape. Also, seeing a therapist is simply a way to fine-tune your mental health.


The impact of self-blame on life


4. Help others

You undoubtedly have a lot of talent, but if you spend your days sadly blaming yourself, you will never use that talent in the end.

Use your expertise to help others and respond to your community. By doing this, you will feel farther and farther away from the mistakes you have made. Rebuild your character with the charitable deeds you do.


5. Give up extreme self-criticism

If you criticize yourself, you are more likely to criticize others. You may even do it subconsciously without realizing it. Judging others is a waste of your personal time, which could be spent in some way to improve yourself.

Instead of judging others, look for the good in them when you see them. Try to see everything from their point of view. In addition, those who judge others are paranoid and think that others are judging them.

Let go of the idea that others are waiting to see you and inspect your work, learn to act freely in life to minimize blame.


6. Forgive freely to stop blaming yourself

Everyone makes mistakes. The first step to forgiving yourself for a mistake is to forgive more than others. When you fully understand that everyone is wrong, you will be more accustomed to forgiving yourself.

You do not have to be perfect, because no one is perfect. You just have to do your best. It all starts with your forgiveness and the continuation of your life.


7. Learn and move

Blaming oneself for a mistake is futile because mistakes happen to everyone. If someone has never made a mistake, you should know that he has never started anything and has not taken any steps to improve himself.

If you make a mistake you do not need to tell yourself the end of time. Keep moving forward and apply the knowledge you have learned in the most difficult moments.

Of course, you should know that a mistake that has been made more than once is no longer a mistake. If you did not learn the first time, do not expect empathy the second time. Be dependent on your performance and use past experiences as a stepping stone.


In this article, we talked about our blame disorder. If you have any experience in this regard, let us know in the comments section.