Is Self-Sufficiency Or Self-Respect More Important In Achieving Success?
It is very natural for many people to make harsh judgments about themselves. In fact, we are usually proud of ourselves for being strict with ourselves, and we consider this strictness of self as a sign of ambition and determination to become our best version.
Self-Sufficiency, But a lot of research shows that self-criticism often backfires – at its worst. In addition to increasing the level of unhappiness and stress, self-criticism delays things and even prevents us from achieving our goals in the future.
Talking about being kind to yourself may remind us of our kindergarten skills. But even the most pessimistic people must be careful about the degree of self-compassion if they are to be resilient.“ Think about the last time you failed or made a major mistake ,” Faraday wrote, quoting the BBC World . Do you still feel ashamed when you go through this memory in your mind and blame yourself for your stupidity or selfishness?
Are you more inclined to think that you are the only one who makes such mistakes?
Or are you one of those people who believe that making mistakes is part of being human and that you usually speak to yourself with love and attention?
It is very natural for many people to make harsh judgments about themselves. In fact, we are usually proud of ourselves for being strict with ourselves, and we consider this strictness of self as a sign of ambition and determination to become our best version.
But a lot of research shows that self-criticism often backfires – at its worst. In addition to increasing the level of unhappiness and stress, self-criticism delays things and even prevents us from achieving our goals in the future.
Instead of disciplining ourselves, we should practice self-compassion, which means being more generous in forgiving our mistakes and deliberately trying to take more care of ourselves in times of frustration or shame.
“Most of us have a good friend in our lives who is always ready to support us,” says Christine Neff, an assistant professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who is a leading researcher in the field.
“Self-compassion means learning to be the warm friend and supporter of ourselves.”
If you are a pessimist, you may be in the first place. As British comedian Ruby Wax writes in Mindfulness: “When I hear people say they are kind to themselves, I imagine people lighting a fragrant incense in their bathroom and in a tub of cow’s milk.
“They are drowning and drowning themselves.” However, scientific evidence suggests that these actions increase our emotional resilience, health, well-being, and productivity.
Most importantly, these things help us to learn from the mistakes that upset us in the first place.
Self-care is more important than self-respect
The spark for research in this area was ignited in the mind after experiencing a personal crisis. She was experiencing a bitter divorce in the late 1990s. “It was a very bad experience and I was ashamed of the bad decisions I had made.”
She enrolled in a local meditation class to find a way to cope with her stress. The practice of mindfulness had been able to calm him down, but among these exercises was the teaching of how to be kind, especially how to be kind to oneself, which had been able to bring him great comfort. “I felt a big change quickly,” he says.
On the surface, self-esteem may seem like self-respect, which is when we value ourselves and evaluate ourselves positively.
Questionnaires that measure self-esteem include statements such as “I feel valued, at least on an equal footing with others.”
Unfortunately, this is compounded by a sense of competition that can easily turn into a fragile narcissism that is likely to disappear with the slightest failure. “Self-esteem depends on success and the people who love you, so it’s not very stable – that is, you can have it [a good day] on a good day and you can lose it on a bad day,” says Neff. . »
Many people with high self-esteem may resort to violence and bullying if they feel threatened. In his research, Neff found that self-cultivation could prevent such traps; So when you feel hurt, embarrassed, or embarrassed, you can stand on your own two feet without getting in the way.
Neff decided to design a psychological scale to measure self-compassion.
According to this scale, individuals should rate themselves from 1 (meaning almost never) to 5 (meaning almost always) in order to measure their self-compassion. Some of Nef’s propositions include the following:
When I feel emotional pain, I try to love myself.
• I try to see my fractures as part of being human.
• When something painful happens, I try to take a balanced look at it;
and
• I try to see my fractures as part of being human.
• When something painful happens, I try to take a balanced look at it;
and
• I am very reprehensible and critical of my own mistakes and inadequacies
• Thinking about my inadequacies makes me feel more isolated from the rest of the world
• Then I feel sad and upset, I obsessively like to do all the wrong thingsThen
The more you agree with the propositions of the first group and the less you agree with the propositions of the second group, the higher your self-compassion.
Nef’s first research was on the relationship between self-care and general mental health and well-being. He interviewed hundreds of undergraduate students and concluded that self-compassion correlated negatively with reports of depression and anxiety and positively correlated with general satisfaction with life.
The most important part of this study was that Nef distinguished between self-compassion and self-respect.
In other words, you may have someone who at the same time has a high sense of general superiority and is unable to forgive himself for the mistakes he thinks he has made – a combination that is far from ideal.
The research field is flourishing
Subsequent research on a variety of samples from high school students to veterans at risk of suicide in the United States confirmed these findings. All of this research has shown that self-care increases psychological resilience.
In fact, self-improvement is now a thriving field of research that has attracted much interest among researchers.
Some research has even linked self-care to physical health. Recent research shows that people with high self-esteem are less likely to report a range of illnesses, including back pain, headaches, dizziness, and respiratory problems.
One reason may be that stress goes away in the body. Past research has shown that self-pity suppresses inflammation, which is usually accompanied by mental anger and long-term tissue damage.
But health benefits may also come from behavioral differences. Evidence shows that people with high self-esteem are more likely to take care of themselves through a healthy diet and exercise.
“People with higher levels of self-compassion are usually more active,” says Sarah Dunn, a psychologist who has studied the relationship between self-compassion and healthy behaviors at Derby University in the United Kingdom.
He compares it to the advice of a benevolent parent.
“They tell you to go to bed, get up early in the morning and solve your problems.” A self-centered person knows that he or she can be kind to the need for reprehensible criticism, and at the same time recognizes what is best for him or her in the long run.
“This is very important,” Neff says. He says critics at the beginning of his research were concerned that selfishness could lead to low willpower and laziness.
“These critics believe that self-criticism is important because it motivates us to make significant changes in our lives,” he says.
He cites a 2012 study in opposition to the idea. This study found that people with high self-compassion have a higher motivation to correct their mistakes.
For example, they worked harder after failing a test, and when they thought they had made a moral mistake – betraying a friend, for example – they were more determined to make up for it.
Self-compassion seems to give us a sense of security that allows us, instead of becoming overly defensive and frustrated, to face our weaknesses and make positive changes in our lives.
Early interventions
If you want to reap the benefits of self-compassion, we have to say that a lot of research, including research by Nef and his team, shows that self-compassion can be nurtured. Interventions such as love-kind meditation that guide you to focus on making yourself and others feel good can help.
In a recent experiment, Tobias Greiger and colleagues at the University of Bern in Switzerland set up an online course that taught participants self-compassion-building techniques in addition to teaching self-critical reasons and their consequences.
After 7 sessions, participants’ self-esteem scores increased and their stress, anxiety, and feelings of depression decreased.
“Another solution is to write a loving letter to yourself, which you would write if you had a kind friend,” says Neff. Nef says the majority of people can get rid of the habit of self-criticism, because in most people this habit is not so deep that it can not be corrected.
Nef says self-cultivation techniques have become very popular during the Corona. He says the problems of isolation, telecommuting and caring for loved ones have created a breeding ground for self-criticism and skepticism.
“We can’t eliminate these stresses, but at least we can change the way we look at ourselves to increase our resilience to the challenges we face,” he says.
“More than ever, we need to think that self-care and self-care are not signs of weakness. Many studies have shown this.
This research shows that when life gets tough, you like to be compassionate about yourself. “It makes you feel stronger.”
