All human beings naturally go through difficult times after the end of an emotional relationship and the failure of love , and each person, depending on his temperament and inner personality, must spend time to return to his normal state.
But the question is, what should be done in this situation to get back to normal sooner?
Step # 1- Discovering Your Purpose
1. Accept that your pain and discomfort is real and take it seriously
- Those who have been together for a long time have affected each other physically and mentally. Therefore, it must be accepted that the absence of that person in life will lead to the formation of a kind of vacuum in various aspects of life, and according to this issue, you should seek to create good and new habits . Do not allow bad habits in your behavior and diet to develop under the pretext that you are depressed. For example, do not eat constantly and….
- When emotional separation occurs, seeing a photograph of an old friend and recalling memories of that time forms a reaction in the brain that is not unlike the brain’s response to pain. This is why your physical strength also decreases after separation.
- It is no exaggeration to say that the human body, which is detached from emotional relationships, acts like a person who has just quit cocaine and may feel confused and out of control, like an addict quitting .
Give yourself time. A close and long relationship with another person determines eating habits, body temperature, heart rate, and… rhythm and process. So, after the separation, make yourself aware of the changes that are taking place and give yourself time to adjust to the new situation.
۲. Cry and let it soothe you as a treatment
Your tears contain stress hormones . Crying helps to clear the inner pain and is good for your nervous system. So, after crying, you will be calmer and your body will have a better rhythm and state. Crying is not a shame; Especially if it is done in the presence of friends and supporters, it will have more positive effects.
3. Writing poetry and memoirs is not a bad idea either
After the end of the relationship, if you do not decide to end it yourself, you will probably suffer more. In this case, it is better to start writing poetry and memoirs to find out where the problem started and at the same time, during these reviews, you will realize that the other party was not as perfect as you are sad. No one else should read this, because they are so personal.
4. Pursue your interests
Pursuing interests is a good idea. See what you are interested in. For example, maybe painting, music, working with programs like Photoshop or your favorite photography. So pursue your interests and do not waste your time.
5. Increase your connection with your family and loved ones
Maybe you had a good relationship with friends and relatives before the separation. If you have not, now is the perfect opportunity to communicate and join those who are dear to you and give you peace of mind that.
6. Enroll in a class
Enroll in a class that interests you; For example, cooking or anything else that entertains you and fills your time.
Step # 2- Discovering Your Purpose
1. Avoid the wrong patterns you have in choosing the other party
Most of us have a laid back attitude when it comes to painting a picture about ourselves. For this reason, we may repeat the mistake we made in choosing the previous person. So concentrate and draw a line around past mistakes.
۲. Try to find out what qualities and people you are most attracted to
For example, you may be interested in funny and exciting people. While they do not like you. You need to know how to find a useful and reciprocal relationship with the right person and draw a line around the wrong people.
3. Identify your emotional problems in the relationship
See exactly what caused the failure in the previous relationship. Be honest with yourself and try to solve the problem by recognizing it and do not try to justify or lie. For example, if you are afraid of commitment in a relationship, it is better to work on yourself or if you are afraid and anxious , talk honestly with the other party about it. Avoid masking and lying.
4. Be balanced
The fact is that the relationship with the bully is difficult. On the other hand, connecting with a completely passive person is not interesting at all. So be balanced; Do not be a bully or oppressed.
5. Do not have unrealistic expectations and high expectations
Remember that we do not live in a romantic movie. So we can seldom find someone we like in every way. Avoid unrealistic expectations, and if you can find someone who exactly fits your ideals, do your best to keep them alive.
It is rare to find someone who is both smart and beautiful and humorous. Be both energetic and happy and fun. The fact is that making such a list is futile. Unfortunately, there is no factory that can build and deliver your favorite person after receiving all your desired features.
7. Avoid paying attention to silly details
When the other party is wearing sneakers with a suit on the first date, there is no reason to ignore his words and ideas and take away the opportunity to get to know him. Or if the other party has short hair, there is no reason for you to leave his appearance and not let him introduce himself to you in the form of his professions and opinions.
8. Allow the other party to object
It is not necessary for two people to agree on everything. Every relationship will be challenged at some point, and becoming too serious and afraid of expressing opposition to the other person will push the situation towards the previous failed relationship and will bother you.
9. Do not compare yourself with others
It is not right to look at others and be jealous of their relationships and families. You should not look at others and feel that you will never have such a family. Accept yourself and your possessions and know that this behavior is much more beneficial to you.
Even if your parents are in a successful, 50-year-old relationship and communicate well, there is no reason to want to imitate their behavior exactly. You have to accept that you are a different person and that you can only succeed by following the example of their good behaviors. The comparison is by no means correct.
10. Instead of focusing on others, find yourself
By comparing your situation with friends who are in a successful or at least painless relationship, you may feel that you have a problem; While this is not the case at all. So do not focus on others .
۱۱. Do not get caught up in social media
Accept that these colorful pictures and beautiful lives are only part of the life frame of people who have decided to show you only this part of their lives. So don’t get depressed and let go of jealousy , because you only know part of the truth.
Step # 3- Discovering Your Purpose
1. Avoid weaving negativity
Put negative thoughts aside. The failed and bitter experiences of the past are not a reason for the failure of another relationship. You must have the courage to start another. Put your doubts aside and open the door to new relationships.
۲. Do not look at yourself as a victim
We all experience days of sadness. You are not alone, so do not embrace the knee of sorrow in vain and do not consider yourself the most miserable and lonely creature on the planet.
3. Go back to the past
Discard exploring a long-term or even short-term relationship. Do not constantly go to your unpleasant experiences and give yourself a chance to start anew.
4. Overcome your fears
5. Change the gender of the people in your relationship
If your relationship with people who are similar to the previous people in your life has not worked for you, you may want to make changes and meet new people outside of your usual circle of relationships. Use the experiences of others to meet new people.
6. Be honest
At the beginning of any relationship, everyone wants to show themselves to be perfect. We all have flaws and there are no stale flowers. So, refrain from pretending to be perfect and show your reality to the other person. If you lie or are not honest enough, your relationship will not work out.
7. You need to know what you want
If your goals are not clear at the beginning of the relationship, there will be no sincerity in your behavior and you will make the other person run away. Know what you want from your life and relationships and do not forget that you are in control of your life and destiny; Not relatives, family and friends and….
8. Be committed and do what you say
If you keep making promises that you do not keep, you will endanger your relationship. While it is not true, for example, the definition of the offense of another or interest is fake, it is a good idea or if you do not love the other person, not to lie to her interest in you.
9. Express your feelings clearly
Expressing emotions is an important issue. If something bothers you or you have an opinion in your mind, be sure to raise it. Do not let emotions hide in your heart and mind and ruin the work.
10. Be careful not to use social media
You can use social networks to develop your communication, but if you do not have the intelligence to use these networks, you will be in trouble.
- If you post photos and content on your social media that have not been carefully shared, it is possible that the other party will feel that you have a better time with others and that his jealousy will be aroused and a fight will break out.
- Before sharing different content, remember that the other party may feel that the content of your content does not care about the family and him. The feeling is formed in him that your priorities in life are different and does not include him.
- Improper use of social media can disrupt life and relationships; So if you see that these networks have become a destructive element in your relationship, stick to them or at least do not follow the other side in these networks.