Communicating with others seems like a simple matter, and we all consider ourselves experts in it. We have talked since we were children and we usually consider it normal to talk. Communicating does not seem difficult when we are happy and feel close to someone. We both feel good and the other side and everything looks good and perfect.

How do we talk when we are angry? How do we talk to people who are angry with us?

What do we do with criticism? What do we say when the other person is irrational and does not listen to us? How do we communicate in situations of resentment?

Few people are able to communicate well and effectively in these situations, while it is precisely at these times that the role of good communication becomes vital.

In this course, you will learn about the characteristics of effective communication by relying on psychological studies, you will learn the barriers to healthy communication, and you will learn practical tips for creating effective communication.

Interpersonal relationships are defined as the process by which a person communicates information and feelings to another person or persons through verbal and non-verbal messages. This ability strengthens a warm and intimate relationship with others and resolves contradictions and conflicts. This type of skill is more common in friends than family members and in women than men.

What is effective and ineffective communication?

It is a means of transmitting information between people.

The way is to show emotions to others.

The best way is to correct misunderstandings.

The precondition of any kind of training is effective.

It is necessary for the growth of a community.

In contrast to ineffective communication:

Causes misunderstanding.

It leads to dissatisfaction, loneliness and conflict in family members and society.

Over time, self-esteem deteriorates.

It causes feelings of helplessness and consequent social and psychological damage.

Decreases a person’s ability to cope with life’s problems.

Theology:

 It includes a form of communication that is specifically associated with speech and the process of verbal expression, and its characteristics determine how speech begins and how it is phrased.

Non-verbal:

 Relates to aspects other than verbal content, including tone of voice, tone of voice, eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, body posture, and listening.

Effective communication process

An important step in communicating effectively is to thoroughly identify and address the barriers to each of the above steps and the components of communication. For example, if your message is long, unorganized, and fraught with errors, you should not expect your message to be well understood or interpreted. Improper use of words or body language and disregard for the message recipients and the situation in which the message is conveyed can distort the meaning of the message and prevent effective communication.

Some of the barriers to effective communication are:

Do not listen

to make fun of

Shout or speak loudly

Criticize or humiliate people

getting angry

Do not express your feelings honestly

Negative nonverbal messages (such as indifference, inattention, and defensiveness)

Frowning or frowning

Cut another letter

lying

To threaten

Accuse or blame

Hasty assessments and hasty conclusions

Bias and bias

Biases and stereotypes and dry thoughts

1.  Be a good listener to what your interaction side says. Most of us have a laid back attitude when it comes to painting a picture about ourselves. We do not really listen to what others say.
2.  Let the sender know that you are listening (through body language or encouraging sounds such as “aha”).
3.  Repetition and reflection of what the speaker says.
4.  Choose the right time to talk.
5.  Non-verbal communication such as nodding, good eye contact, and pleasant facial expressions.
6.  Try to understand the feelings of others.
7. Provide possible solutions.
8.  Do what is said to make sure you understand the meaning correctly.

Given the barriers to communication that have been mentioned, one of the fundamental issues in our society is communication with others. What can people do to overcome these obstacles?

Use feedback

If a person asks the other person: (Did you understand what I said?) The answer given to him / her indicates the result of the feedback. The word or word (yes) or (no) is an example of feedback, and it is best to ask the audience to recite it in their own language. If what is being said expresses what the person intended, then it must be said that the understanding was excellent.

 Acquire the necessary listening skills

Research shows that about 60% of misunderstandings and disagreements are caused by not listening well.

Look into the speaker’s eyes.  We hear with our ears, but people’s judgment about our listening is whether we look into their eyes or not. Eye contact makes the speaker noticeable.

Confirm what he said with eye and eyebrow movements.  A good listener tries to confirm the speaker’s words through non-verbal gestures. Shaking the positive sign and looking into the speaker’s eyes causes the message to be conveyed to him that the person is listening to him with all his being.

Avoid extra movements.  Things like looking at a clock, flipping through a piece of paper, playing with a pen, signing or initialing letters, talking on the phone, indicate that the listener is tired and disinterested, and that the speaker feels disturbed.

 The question is whether the person understands the content, analyzes it, and assures the speaker that he or she is listening.

Interpret.  Someone who listens carefully uses phrases such as (I think you say…) or (you mean….).

Do not interrupt the speaker.  Let the speaker finish and then ask your questions. Never try to guess what the speaker’s thoughts are.

Do not talk too much.  Most people tend to talk more and express their opinions and listen less to what others have to say. Talking is more enjoyable and silence is uncomfortable, but you can’t talk and listen at the same time.

 Emotion control

If we get upset about an issue, we may not be able to get the message across properly, and we may not be able to express ourselves properly. What should we do in the meantime? The best solution is to break your fears or problems into a series of smaller steps.

Non-voicemail messages are relatively heavy. Given this fact, anyone who wants to communicate effectively should also pay attention to non-verbal communication and know that they also convey the same message.

Appear on the level of others

Individuals can establish a beautiful and effective relationship with others if they pay attention to the mental, psychological and mental condition of the audience, know the talents and tastes of the audience, pay attention to personal and social status, gender and age and speak in simple language. Say.

Even if you think your opponent’s words are completely wrong, irrational or unfair, find something positive in his statements. But respond in such a way that even if you accept criticism, your self-respect and dignity will be maintained.

Empathize with your audience

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and look through the lens of his or her eye. To do this, summarize his career, confirm his feelings, and ask to confirm his feelings: “Like you’s upset with me, right?”

Use the phrase “I feel.”

Express your feelings in terms that evoke the meaning I feel (eg, I’m upset) and refrain from using phrases that begin with “I’m wrong, you’re making me angry”. Let your audience know how you would feel if you were in their place: (If this problem happened to me, I would have felt it).

For further reading in Persian, I recommend  The Art of Communicating by  Thich Nhat Hanh, Korean author, poet, and researcher and winner of the 1967 Nobel Prize .